Category: Pondering the Universe

I love philosophy and thinking in general. This blog is to express my thoughts, opinions, or to ask questions for which I may never have an answer.

Home, Sweet Home, or The Most Pathetic Bucket List Ever by Christina Knowles

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 I am a homebody, not a recluse by any means. I would just rather be home than anywhere else. Home is my sanctuary. All day at work, I can’t wait to get back home, and when I do, I am not disappointed.

Home is where my dog lives, and although he goes places sometimes, he never goes without me. His name is Chacho, and he greets me with tail wagging, and then makes me play chase with him and give him a treat before he will go outside to take of care of business.

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Home is where all the things I love to do are located in one convenient place. I have piles of books to read, a computer to write down my thoughts, delicious food to cook, canvases to paint, photos to scrapbook, movies to watch, gardens of flowers to enjoy, and music to hear. I could do some of these things other places, but it just wouldn’t be the same. My husband gets slightly annoyed with me on vacations because I usually start talking about going home on the second day. It’s not that I don’t like hotels and new locations. But I’d rather be home, surrounded by things I love to do. Inevitably, on vacation, I want to read something I don’t have, use something I didn’t bring, or listen to music I left at home. And don’t even get me started on the bed. I need my own pillow and bed to sleep well. But mainly it’s that feeling I get at home, like it’s where I belong, the only place where I am perfectly comfortable and content.

 Most importantly, home is where I get to spend time with my husband, Randy, without anyone else around. We work opposite hours, so we both spend a lot of time at home alone (well, Chacho is there), which makes the time we get together that much more precious. Being with Randy is like being home. I can be myself completely, and I have everything I need. As long we’re at home, that is.

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Maybe it’s because there is so much noise and conflict out there. My home is quiet, peaceful. Oh, sometimes we play the music pretty loud, but what I mean is at my house no one ever yells, no one says mean things, no one (hardly) ever criticizes or complains. I’ve gotten so used to this that I don’t even like to hear a couple on a TV sitcom arguing. Why is that considered normal? I hope most couples don’t really talk to each other that way.

Besides going to work, I go out a few times a week. I meet friends at a restaurant, go to a book club meeting, or attend a lecture. My husband and I go out to dinner and a movie sometimes. We go to an occasional play or a concert. I really am not agoraphobic or anything. It’s just that no matter how much fun we have, the best part is always coming home.IMG_0184

I have friends and family that travel all the time and love it, always on some adventure. It sounds exciting, like they’re really living, experiencing life. But I have come to accept that that just isn’t me. Once I made a bucket list and put the usual things on it–see the Greek Ruins, the Parthenon, the Louvre, Venice, Stonehenge, Michelangelo’s paintings on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, and I do want to see all these things, but when I ask myself, What would I do if I found out I had six months to live and money was no object? I wouldn’t want to travel, at least not farther than my friends and family’s homes. I would invite all my friends and family over to my house and spend time with them.  I would have long conversations with them all. I would quit my job and spend hours talking, reading, studying, writing, and thinking. I’m sure it sounds pretty pathetic for a bucket list, but on the other hand, I am pretty lucky that I already have everything I really want waiting for me at home.–Christina Knowles

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What Does It Mean to Support Our Troops? Torture, Abuse, and Actions Unbecoming of a Soldier in the American Military

I have wanted to write about scandals regarding torture, abuse, and human rights violations for some time. I’m talking specifically about torture and misconduct by American soldiers and “private contractors” acting under American authority. I have waited because while the scandals were fresh, it seemed too much of an explosive topic. I guess what I really want to talk about is blind patriotism when it comes to the military in this country. Supporting our troops does not mean accepting, excusing, or justifying everything they do. It does not mean calling every soldier a hero, just because he joined the military. Many of our brave soldiers are heroes, but one must actually do something heroic to be a hero.

It is true that many who are the subjects of recent scandals are not actually our military, but are mercenaries under government control. Mercenaries hired by the Pentagon are a relatively new thing. For the past several years, since the advent of these mercenaries on the scene, and since the continuation of our seemingly perpetual war on terrorism, there have been a number of scandalous videos showing instances of physical and mental abuse including rape, electrocution, humiliation such as forcing prisoners into piling naked into a pyramid while being photographed, and inmates being forced to simulate sex with each other for the pleasure of the guards holding them.  According to a report by Julian Borger of The Guardian on April 30, 2004, a staff sergeant, Chip Frederick, was accused of “posing in a photograph sitting on top of a detainee, committing an indecent act, and with assault for striking detainees – and ordering detainees to strike each other.” Also, according to Borger, Frederick told CBS: “”We had no support, no training whatsoever. And I kept asking my chain of command for certain things … like rules and regulations.’” (Borger, The Guardian).

Then there is the string of abuses exposed by Bradley Manning, who is thought by many Americans to be a traitor. I disagree. Today, it seems that whistle-blowers exposing real criminal activities are vilified and made into the criminals, diverting attention from the real atrocities being committed. The list of abuses by American soldiers in Iraq and in Guantanamo Bay are too numerous and ghastly to detail here. However, I would like to discuss the scandal involving a group of Marines photographed while urinating on the dead bodies of Afghan Taliban fighters. Two were charged with this crime when news of this act went viral. This caused an outraged American public to flood Facebook with angry tirades of disdain for the “liberal media” for exposing the dirty laundry of our poor, overworked, and mentally exhausted soldiers, defending their actions as understandable under the circumstances. When did the conditions of war, horrible as they are, become an excuse for dishonorable and disgusting behavior?

This is a touchy subject. I’ve lost friends over my stance on this issue. Yes, I am aware that there have been isolated instances of torture by Americans in every war, and I do realize that with today’s technology of video cell phones this behavior is more public than ever before.  However, it has also become more acceptable to American civilians than ever before, and that scares me.  One particular day when I got into the conversation, a friend of mine had posted a picture on Facebook of these Marines along with an exceptionally angry rant about the “liberal media” ruining the lives of these poor boys. I commented on her post that I was glad that my father, a WWII disabled veteran and a Marine was not likely to hear about this scandal because he was in a nursing home and too deaf to really catch much of the news on TV. I told my friend that he would be sickened at the thought of Marines acting in this dishonorable way. I went on to say that I had grown up hearing my dad’s stories of how Americans (to his knowledge) never stooped to the level of the Japanese or Germans in World War II, but treated prisoners with human decency. My father told me that his platoon knew that if they got out of line and acted unbecomingly with the enemy, they would be severely reprimanded, punished, and in the case of a soldier attempting to torture, rape, or demoralize anyone including the enemy, they would have been shot on the spot by the commanding officer. He was proud of this fact. He felt like he was a member of a group with a higher moral and ethical standing, that he believed in what he was fighting for, and that anyone, whether under stress or not, who would lower himself to the cruel and inhumane treatment of another human being was not worthy to be called an American. Well, I was immediately attacked as being a liberal, and being un-American myself for not supporting the behavior of these unfortunate boys. My friend un-friended me, blocked me, and still refuses to speak to me whenever I see her in public.

Is it a “liberal” characteristic to be concerned with human rights? Is it a “liberal” notion to expect ethical, moral, and sane behavior from our troops representing us around the world? Is it a “liberal” quality alone to care about the consequences of these actions and what damage is done to the victims and to their perpetrators? If so, I will gladly be called a “liberal.”

One difference I see between the idealism present in past wars and the cynical acceptance of today is that in previous generations, the majority of people were horrified and ashamed at these types of scandals. It was believed that these kinds of actions were done by the lowest of the low, and would not be tolerated by superior officers, the government, or the citizens in general. Now, thousands of citizens actually defend the behavior of soldiers who engage in this conduct, justifying it, and minimizing it. I believe this is detrimental to our nation as a whole, and does no one any good to pretend that there is ever any justification for this appalling behavior.

I believe part of the reason for this shift is extreme nationalism and blind patriotism. This could possibly be a result of the horrific attack on the Twin Towers on September 11, 2001. America seems to have changed a great deal since that day. Also, TV shows like 24, glamorize and blur the moral line between hard interrogation and the degradation and demoralizing abuse of prisoners. I heard from an Air Force officer that the leader of an anti-terrorist unit in the Air Force actually contacted the producers of the show to request that they stop making it seem like torture works as an effective interrogation technique. Supposedly since the show aired, soldiers who were surveyed believed that torture was necessary in some cases more than before the show existed. Jack Bauer, the main character on 24, shoots people in the knees to get answers as a “last resort.”  Jack always gets results, but in reality, torture doesn’t work because anyone will say anything to stop the abuse. The information cannot be trusted. However, as a result of this show and others like it, some soldiers think it can.

However, my position on this issue has always been that whether it works or not is irrelevant. It is morally wrong under any circumstances and is cruel, unnecessary, and possibly even more harmful to the psyche and character of the persecutor than to the victim, and is harmful to the military morale and to the nation, not to mention our standing as a moral and ethical leader of the free world. I had a difficult time even writing that last part because that hardly seems to describe us anymore.

I am a patriotic person who is proud to be an American for many reasons. However, my pride mainly stems from belief in the Constitution, the Bill of Rights, the Declaration of Independence, and pride in the values that used to be the trademark of this country. We believed in helping the downtrodden, defending the weak, spreading freedom and democracy, and hopefully most of us still do believe in these things. But we must never confuse blind, unconditional acceptance of despicable behavior with love for our country or with supporting our troops. Loving America means among many things, holding her representatives accountable for failing to live up to the ideals we hold dear.  I agree with John McCain, who endured first-hand torture at the hands of the enemy as a POW in Viet Nam, when he stated according to Devyn Dwyer of ABC News, in regards to waterboarding as a means of interrogation in the Osama Bin Laden investigation, “’Ultimately this debate is about far more than technical or practical issues,’ said McCain. ‘It is about far more than whether torture works or does not work. It is about far more than utilitarian matters. Ultimately, this is about morality.  .  . We are America, and we hold ourselves to a higher standard.’” So as civilians, let us do the same, holding ourselves and our military, government, and every other representative of us to the standards we claim to have.  Let us hold ourselves to a higher standard and refuse to minimize or condone torture, abuse, demoralization, degradation, or any human rights violations. –Christina Knowles

Sources:

Borger, Julian. The Guardian. http://www.theguardian.com/media/2004/apr/30/television.internationalnews. Accessed 1/27/14.

 Dwyer, Devin, ABC News. http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/politics/ May 12, 2011. Accessed 1/27/14.

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My Crazy 2013 Year-in-Review by Christina Knowles

What a ride 2013 was! I’ve been agonizing over writing this blog for over a week, but it just seemed an overwhelming task to sum up such a year.

Personally, 2013 was a year marked by intense spiritual conflict, feeling like I didn’t belong in the Christian community, and I didn’t understand other Christians.  I judged God on the actions of His followers.  I questioned the goodness and even the reality of God. I lost my faith and temporarily declared myself an atheist.

2013 was a year that the love and acceptance of my husband was tested. Through all my internal conflict, we had none. He loved and accepted me unconditionally despite his confusion, strengthening and deepening our love and commitment to each other.

It was a year of studying and reading, rediscovering my love and respect for philosophy.

It was the year when I lost my father. He was an amazing father who loved his family unconditionally, always made us laugh, and taught me to accept people and to forgive easily. He was slow to anger and gentle.

It was the year I learned that I really did believe in God and love Him, and that no matter how believers act, He never changes and never stops being good or loving.

It was the year I learned that all Christians are different and face this life with their own prejudices and issues, and that some Christians did accept me, even though I’m not typical.

2013 was also the year I determined that I would publish my novel. Several months were taken up with the toil and pressure of formatting and editing it for publication. Then I faced the horrific task of marketing it and myself, with which I am utterly uncomfortable. Every time I post a link to my book, I feel like I am either begging for alms or bragging of my accomplishment. Unfortunately, I understand that the only way to realize my dream of someday writing as a profession is to do this.  However, it did lead me to create this blog, which has become a true joy to me in itself.  Disturbing the Universe has quickly emerged as a place for me to let loose the pressure of my thoughts in the best way I know how, the written word, and it has abandoned all pretense of existing as a page to promote my novel.

This year also brought the terrifying news that my unborn grandson had Spina Bifida. But with that, it also brought into the forefront, the unrelenting love and faith of my daughter-in-law and son.  And when my grandson was born almost 3 months too soon, it brought the indescribable thankfulness of his healthy birth.  Seeing the miracle of his tiny life and his ferocious determination to live and recover brought about an epiphany in me, the realization that even though I had given my heart back to God, I had held back some of it to protect myself from pain.  I continue to realize a new area each day that needs to awaken to become the person who God wants me to be.  As 2014 begins, I see this process continuing, and I can’t wait to see my 2014 year-in-review.–Christina Knowles

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Being Thankful Is Pure Joy by Christina Knowles

This year, as well as last, I participated in the 30 Days of Thankfulness Challenge on Facebook.  This is where each day of November you post what you are thankful for. I did it last year and really enjoyed it, but this year I really took the time to think about what I felt particularly thankful for each day. I learned a lot by being grateful every day. I learned that when I am thankful and take the time to really sit in that feeling, I am so much more content. I think it made me happier and those around me as well. I wish this challenge wasn’t just a once-a-year thing. I plan on doing this at least once a week on my own just so I don’t slide back into self-pity and discontentment. Here’s what I was thankful for this month:

Day 1: I am thankful for Randy Knowles. I love you, Randy. You are the music of my life and my soul mate. 4842_1117002859404_765152_n

Day 2: I am thankful for my mom. I love her sooo much it hurts. See my blog: “How Could Someone Like Me Come from Someone Like Her?” I needed a whole blog for this one.

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Day 3: I am thankful for my beautiful daughter, Valerie, and the relationship we have. I could not be more proud of her. I love her more than words can express. I would gladly give my life for her. I ache for her when I don’t see her for a while, and I cry myself to sleep when we fight. I am beyond thankful that she is my daughter.

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Day 4: Today I am thankful for Lee Fullbright’s friendship and encouragement. She is an award-winning author of a fabulous book called, The Angry Woman Suite. I read it in my book club, loved it, and reviewed it on Goodreads. She liked my review and contacted me personally. She started following my reviews because she found them “insightful.” After emailing back and forth several times, I got up the nerve to tell her I was planning on publishing The Ezekiel Project. I asked if she would read it and give me an unbiased review. She loved it! Since then she has given me so much advice, given me reviews, answered my questions, and has offered to help me promote my book. She even gave me a quote to use for the back cover. I feel like I have gotten to know her over the course of these online conversations. She is a generous, kind, and beautiful person. I feel so lucky to have met her.

Day 5: Today I am thankful for cold evenings in front of warm fires with my husband and my dog. I am thankful for fall and winter–the cuddling under blankets, snow days, sipping hot chocolate and watching old movies, sweaters and boots, frost covered windows, electric blankets, fuzzy slippers, Thanksgiving with family, Christmas and all that entails–love, hope, peace on earth, family, sappy Lifetime Christmas movies, Richard Paul Evans’ Christmas books, Christmas shopping, baking Christmas cookies with Valerie, decorating, tromping through little shops in Old Colorado City, candlelight church services, Christmas dinner at my sister’s, and seeing our kids and grandson.

Day 6: Today I am thankful for my eclectic group of friends. I appreciate them for all their differences and for what we have in common. I can share everything going on in my life, and I know I’ll get honesty, sympathy, and even a kick in the butt if I need it. Most of all they accept me no matter what, and I can count on them if I need them. We also have crazy good times together.

Day 7: Today I have a splitting headache and have had a terrible day with student behavior, so I am thankful for Excedrin . . .and daisies, just because I like daisies.

Day 8: Today I am thankful for my science fiction class. I love, love, love those kids. Fourth period is the highlight of my day. I look forward to our amazing discussions of social and political topics. We talk about everything imaginable in there, and they are all respectful and open-minded with each other. They treat me like a queen, they all rush in excited to learn, they pay rapt attention, they share all kinds of interesting things with me, I learn from them every day, they say the nicest things to me, and today they even gave me a round of applause when I gave them a speech about education being so important.

Day 9: Today I am thankful for Christmas music. I’ve been listening to it even though it’s a long way from Christmas because Christmas music always makes me nostalgic, and I like that feeling.

Day 10: I am thankful for my sister and brothers and all my extended family. I feel truly blessed that I have good, loving, compassionate people in my family. I am close to my sister. We are always there for each other, we hang out, and we talk about all kinds of things even though we are completely different from each other. I have always been close to my brothers too even though they are more than ten years older than me. They’ve always been the proud and protective type. Unlike some families, my siblings were always nice to me and never picked on me. I love my sisters-in-law just like they were my blood siblings as well. I have tons of nieces, nephews, and grand-nieces and grand-nephews as well. They are all wonderful. In my family, I always feel loved.

Day 11: Today I am thankful for veterans. I’m not a super pro-military girl, but I am not naive. I know we need a standing army to protect ourselves, freedom, and the oppressed and helpless who cannot protect themselves. I appreciate the fact that soldiers are willing to do this and to put their lives on the line for our country and the people in it. I also realize that soldiers don’t choose the wars we fight, but do their duty.

Day 12: Today I am thankful for people who speak the truth and aren’t afraid of being blunt. Sometimes it’s a kindness.

Day 13: Today I am thankful for my home. My home is my sanctuary. It’s where I can’t wait to get back to whenever I leave. It’s where I cuddle up with my husband and dog after a day out in the cold, harsh world, and I’m completely loved and accepted. It’s where kindness, peace, and love are the rule, not the exception. I’d rather be at home than anywhere else.

Day 14: I just got back from my book club, so right now I am very thankful for books. Reading is my favorite past-time, and I love reading almost any genre. Many people read for entertainment, and although I find it entertaining, I read to learn. Reading teaches me about other people and about myself. Reading allows me to live endless lives and experience things I would never be able to in real life. It also makes me think about things in new ways, examining things with a different perspective. Books make me smarter. Smarter is good.

Day 15: I am thankful for my son Daniel. He is a sweet, compassionate, generous, and loving man. He is a good husband and father. I am so proud of him.

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Day 16: There’s a lot to be thankful for today. Obviously today I am thankful that my grandson Levi was successfully delivered and was able to breathe and even cry yesterday afternoon. He is so precious, beautiful, and amazing. I am thankful for modern medical advances. I am thankful for waking up to life again, knowing it’s okay to hope and feel and love even if I can be hurt because sometimes things work out, and these joys keeps us from being destroyed by the things that don’t.

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Day 17: Today I am thankful I have a job where I get to talk about what I love–reading and writing! I am also thankful that I get 14 weeks a year off, plus snow days! I am thankful that I get to work with teenagers. I love my students.

Day 18: Today I am thankful for all the selfless, loyal, and loving dogs I have had the pleasure of loving in my life, and who loved me unconditionally. I don’t think I can live without a dog in my life. When one passes on, I feel a hole inside that can be filled by nothing else. I am so thankful for Inky, my first dog, who taught me unconditional love and true loyalty, and also was the subject of my first fiction writing! I will always love you, Inky. Clancy, I loved you too even though you weren’t in my life very long. You made me feel special because you would only listen to me. My beloved Mulder dog, I still grieve over losing you, my friend and constant companion for 13 years. You were with me in good times and bad, and all you cared about was being with me. And now my sweet baby, Chacho. He’s more precious to me every day. I love you, Chacho. You are the most unique dog I’ve had, you moody little person dog.

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Day 19: It may sound petty after my earlier choices for being thankful, but today I am thankful for technology. Medical technology which enabled doctors to operate on my grandson while he was still in the womb, technology that saves lives every day. But I am also thankful for the internet and the devices that seem, on one hand, to dehumanize us; however, they provide us with so many previously unrealized opportunities. Because of the internet, we can expose so many things to the public that we have a right to know, we can have even more of an impact with our freedom of speech, and it is much more difficult to hide things from the American people or any people. We can keep in touch with those we would normally never have a chance to speak to, and as a writer, I have a platform with which I may share ideas through blogging, publishing poetry, stories, novels, or even status updates on Facebook. We also have a world’s worth of information at our fingertips. It might sound odd coming from a product of the 60s, but I love technology.

Day 20: I am thankful for the earth. What an amazingly beautiful place to live. I love the changing seasons, especially when the snow starts to fly. I love the mountains, forests, oceans, and jungles. Trees, grass, flowers, butterflies, stones, and even dirt are all beautiful and nature grounds us, balances us, and brings serenity and life.

Day 21: Today I am thankful for art. Impressionism, Expressionism, Cubism, Modern Abstract, and Surrealism are my favorites, but I love it all. I love oils, acrylic, pencil, pastel, charcoal, watercolor, and collage. I love sculpture and pottery. Architecture styles such as Byzantine, Gothic, Tudor, Roman, and Tuscan are fabulous as well. I love everything artistic, including crafty art such as scrapbooking, candle-making, etc. I am thankful for the creative impulse in humanity.

Day 22: Today I am thankful for delayed starts and snow days. They are like waking up and finding out it is Christmas when you didn’t even know it was coming.

Day 23: I am thankful for the Constitution and the Bill of Rights and the revolutionaries who fought for it. Without it, I’d probably be in jail right now. I tend to speak my mind, so I’m thankful for freedom of speech in particular.

Day 24: Today I am thankful for the holiday season. I love Thanksgiving and Christmas. I’ve always loved the Christmas season because I love the feeling that overcomes most people this time of year, peace on earth, good will toward men. That’s why cheesy Hallmark and Lifetime movies play non-stop at my house from now until December 31st. I love how normally indifferent people seem to care about their fellow “travelers to the grave,” as Dickens put it. I love being thankful for all the wonderful people in my life and the things I enjoy. I love that people wake up and want to help others. I wish this concern would last all year. I know it does for some, but it doesn’t pervade the masses like it does this time of year. I intend to celebrate every minute of the Christmas season this year.

Day 25: Today I am thankful for second chances. I am a big fan of them. People always say, “Everyone deserves a second chance.” That may be generally true, but not in every case. We may need one, but do we really deserve one? Sometimes it takes many chances for a person to get it right. I’ve needed a few in my life.

Day 26: Today I am thankful for life and health. Humans are both astoundingly resilient and terribly fragile at the same time. One sudden accident or a burst blood vessel and we could be gone, just like that. But we can also withstand devastating conditions and completely recover. The fragility of life makes us appreciate each day more and live more fully. The complexity and healing abilities of the body are mind-boggling. We are truly amazing creatures.

Day 27: Today I am thankful for my grandchildren. They are sweet and beautiful, and I love them so much. I wish I was retired, so I could knit them sweaters and make cookies for them and just see them more often.

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Day 28: Today I am thankful for everything, really everything.

Day 29: Today I am thankful that I live in Colorado. Colorado is a wonderful place to be. I love the weather, the mountains, the forests, and the waterfalls. I love deep snows without the bitter cold. I love that it doesn’t get too hot in the summer. I especially love Christmas in Colorado.

Day 30: I am thankful for thankfulness. Being grateful has taught me how I should live and what my focus should be. This has been the best month I can remember in so long, so today I am just thankful for being thankful.

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My Brother’s Keeper

As a high school English teacher, I have my students write essays on controversial topics to teach persuasive argument.  It has come to my attention throughout discussions regarding various issues on which they are writing, that many of the next generation of voters are startlingly selfish, uncaring, and downright hostile to the idea of helping others. Of course, it is not true of all of them, but many of them express this hostility openly, and it scares me. Is this a result of the current political climate, in light of such hot-button topics as the Affordable Health Care Act, the increasing deficit, or the bleak outlook of the economic situation in America? Are they simply regurgitating frustrations voiced by discouraged and over-stressed parents?

Apparently, these students do not believe in helping the poor, the elderly, or the disadvantaged in any way. This lack of compassion made me curious as to the cause. It seems to come down to a misguided sense of fair-play.  Kids, in my experience, seem to be concerned with fairness and justice; however, their ideas of fairness too often only include what is fair for them, not others, and only if the fair treatment is in their favor. In other words, they are not interested in getting what they deserve unless it is good.

Increasingly, I’ve seen a general attitude in America that has gone from the Individualism, which has always been a trademark of our society, to a worldview that states, “What’s mine is mine, no one deserves to share in anything that I have earned, regardless of help I have received to obtain it, and if you are poor, you deserve it because you are not ambitious enough to get what you need for yourself.” Oddly enough, most of these same students receive cars, smart phones, iPads, expensive wardrobes, and countless other luxuries from their parents without accepting any responsibilities, such as turning in homework, keeping a decent G.P.A., or treating others with respect. I have noticed that the students who work for their own things and receive less help from their parents have a similar disdain for anyone who needs help, as they see themselves as being able to provide for themselves already.

Discussion after discussion of these issues has led me to believe that it all comes down to a worldview of selfishness. These students believe that 1) the primary purpose for living and the highest good is to be happy, 2) they have no responsibility to anyone other than themselves or their families, and 3) the dignity, quality of life, or happiness of others is irrelevant to them. This shockingly cold and compassionless trend is quite disturbing to me. Call me crazy, but I think we are responsible for each other, and as unpopular as it may be to say, nobody makes it on their own. Sure, people vary in ability and ambition, and the choices we make, and the fortitude with which we approach the challenges in life, make a decisive impact on the outcomes we achieve, but we still had some help or advantage, which we owe to others along the way.

I do understand the sentiment of most Americans who think that things should be fair, and that there is something inherently right about those who work the hardest enjoying the results of that labor. However, this basic notion of justice has taken on an insidious life of its own that now resembles something more akin to radical Ayn Rand Individualism. When did Americans get so hateful? When did all human compassion disappear into extreme selfishness that is actually heralded as being patriotically American? I was raised to believe that we were a compassionate, humanitarian nation, who stood up for the underdog and welcomed the downtrodden and abused into a better life. Everywhere people are accusing others of expecting entitlements, yet they expect their own entitlements. Are we not entitled to certain basic things just by virtue of being born? We absolutely treat our children as if they are.

I believe all people are entitled to dignity, food, shelter, kindness, compassion, and medical treatment simply because they were born. They should be required to work in return for these things unless they are incapable. If they cannot, then they should be helped to learn how to acquire these basic necessities for themselves. If we can, we are responsible for helping them. At the very least, we are responsible for making sure there is a fair and reasonable path to these necessities. Why? Because they are our brothers and sisters, because they are God’s creation, because it is inhumane not to, because helping them is the best thing we can do for ourselves, our children, our country, the people we help, and for God.

Let me interrupt myself to attempt to dispel a myth. I believe America is the “Land of Opportunity,” but not equal opportunity. Anyone who believes that everyone has the same shot at success as anyone else, probably hasn’t looked at the situation of inner city kids. Do they have the same opportunity to attend a good college when their neighborhood school can’t keep a qualified teacher for more than a few months? When their K-12 education doesn’t even remotely resemble that of even the public school in the more affluent neighborhoods? Sure, there are scholarships and grants available, but will they qualify if this is where they got their education? Even if they were able to go, would they have the academic, social, and professional skills necessary to succeed? Of course, there are always the rare exceptions who manage to defeat the odds, not despite them, but because of the tenacity being underprivileged inspired in them. Unfortunately, this is not the norm. I’m tired of an America that worships the successful corporate executive, who inherited a business or the money to start it, had his parents pay for his Harvard education, which he was only allowed to attend because his grandfather paid for the new wing, treats his employees like commodities, puts profit above all else, moves his company to China to make even more billions of dollars, not because his business is failing, but because it is never enough. But we blame taxes for de-incentivizing him to hire Americans. No, I’m sorry; he’s just greedy. The love of money is supposed to be the root of all evil, but in America, it is cause for hero-worship and emulation.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think it’s fair that I have to go to work all day when I’d rather be doing something else, while someone else refuses to work and lives off of the system. Call me idealistic or naïve, but I don’t think it’s that simple. I think almost everyone would rather take care of themselves and have a sense of pride in their accomplishments if they had the skills they needed to do it. These might be technical, academic, social, emotional, medical, or psychological skills that they lack.

“Teach a man to fish,” they say, “and he will eat forever.” But do we teach him to fish? Or do we just tell him to go fish? This past week I was listening to a Christian radio talk show, and a representative of the Denver Rescue Mission was being interviewed. I didn’t catch his name, but in this interview, one of the employees, a former refugee from the Congo, described how he now heads up the branch of the mission that mentors refugees and helps them to get established in their new country. He explained that when political or religious refugees come to this country, they are given a small amount of money and pretty much are on their own to figure out what to do. They often do not speak English, do not understand our business system, housing system, they may not know how to get a bank account, fill out an application, or anything that they need to do to survive. When one of these refugees comes into the mission, they get a mentor to show them how things work in America, help them to learn English, and they provide them with long-term help in getting established here.  Don’t they deserve this basic help just on the merit of being a fellow human being in need? Many people think not.

Another service the Denver Rescue Mission provides is for people who are trapped in the “cycle of poverty.” They have one to two year programs where a person can focus on working on self-improvement without having to worry about paying rent or buying food. They are able to train for jobs, work on emotional issues, or whatever is keeping them trapped in poverty, so that when they are done with the program, they can be self-sufficient. It’s charities like this one, and other para-church organizations and secular charities who make a real difference in people’s lives and in our communities.

What scares me is that this trend among the youth toward self-absorption and disdain for helping others signifies a bleak future for this type of humanitarianism. Additionally, what kind of harsh and unkind world will we be living in if we allow this trend to continue? We can and should give what we can to these types of organizations, but perhaps the most important thing we can do for others is to teach our children to care about their fellow man again. Teach empathy, compassion, and kindness, and put less emphasis on getting a good paying job and a stock portfolio. Let them know that choosing a profession that helps people and makes the world a kinder place is even more admirable and worthy of praise than a six-figure income and five thousand square foot house. Teach them that if the world is going to be a place worth living in, then we must be our brother’s keeper. –Christina Knowles

“The Denver Rescue Mission is the oldest, full-service Christian charity in the Rocky Mountain region. Thriving today as non-denominational organization; no one is denied services because of gender, race, color, creed, national origin, religion, age, handicap, political affiliation, sex, sexual orientation, or marital, parental or military status.”

How can you help? Visit The Denver Rescue Mission online: http://www.denverrescuemission.org

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HOW DID SOMEONE LIKE ME COME FROM SOMEONE LIKE HER?

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I love my mom SO much it hurts.  Her name is Nora, and she is in a nursing home by herself since my father, the love of her life, Harold, passed away last April. Before he died, they lived in there together. The staff of the nursing home thought they were so cute because they had been married 61 years and looked out for each other in every way. When he passed away, no one thought my mother would hang on much longer. Especially since the doctors told us she had only about three months to live over a year ago.

Last night I went to visit her. I try to go twice a week, but I confess, sometimes I only make it once a week.  I justify it because I’m busy with a full-time job as a teacher and a part-time job as a writer. I leave work late, work long into the evening, and work on weekends. She has visitors everyday because I have a big family who all visit regularly. But that’s no excuse. She deserves better. She never complains when she hasn’t seen me in a week. Instead she tells me how proud she is of me and how she loves me so much.

As I said, last night I went to see her. Suddenly she teared up and told me she was worried about the staff of the home, the nurses, the CNAs, the janitors. My mom has always been a very religious person, a Christian. My brothers and sisters and I were raised in the Baptist church, and my mom took it seriously. I, on the other hand, have always struggled with faith and had trouble believing the bible. I always hid this from my mom because I wouldn’t hurt her or worry her for the world. And she does worry–because she cares so much. She was crying over her worry that all the CNAs, nurses, and other staff might not be saved. She told me she asks everyone if they know Jesus and if they have given their lives to him. Sometimes they say yes, and other times they talk to her in depth about what they do believe. She prays for them, she cries for them. She tells them that Jesus died for them and that he loves them. This is typical of my mom because she always thinks of everyone else’s needs before her own. My mom told me that she believes that the only reason God has not taken her home to be with her beloved Harold is because she is supposed to tell the people in the home about Jesus. This is the first time my mom mentioned to me wanting to go to be with my dad. She is always cheerful and sweet, kind to the staff and to everyone. She doesn’t complain, so much so that the staff says they don’t even know when she is having a medical issue until she is really in pain because she doesn’t say anything.

She isn’t concerned for them out of any sense of superiority or condemnation. She cares. She loves them. She hurts for them. She tries to make their lives easier. She once told me that they have a terrible job, cleaning up accidents, bathing and dressing the residents, lifting them out of bed, helping them on and off the toilet. She said she wants to make their lives easier and happier by always saying thank you and being nice, polite, and not complaining. Personally, I think they are lucky to take care of her.

No matter what your personal beliefs are about Christianity and people who “witness,” sharing their views with others who may not want to hear them, you have to give her credit for her love. My mom loves them, regardless of their beliefs, with a true and sincere love. She is in this nursing home, crying for people, for some who are not always as nice and gentle as they could be, who are not always kind or helpful. This is her amazing gift, her soft heart, her unselfish love for others. She is an amazing example of love to me. She is true Christianity. She is being Jesus to the world. When I look at her, I am in awe of her. Then I ask myself how someone like me came from someone like her.–Christina Knowles

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C.S. Lewis on Socialism

Recently, upon sharing that I had lost my faith in God, and even the belief in God, several people suggested that I read Mere Christianity by CS Lewis. Although I do not find his rhetorical argument for the existence of God sound, I found his arguments about free will intriguing and definitely his critique of the modern Christian.  I know when I was a Christian, this is how I interpreted the ideas of social behavior in the New Testament. It is very curious, then, as CS Lewis is admired by many modern Christians, and this very book recommended by them, that they choose to ignore this part of his argument as well as this part of the New Testament.  Socialism is the great evil according to many Christians. Capitalism and financial success are literally worshipped in this society, and by none more so than Christians. From CS Lewis’ Mere Christianity:  

“The New Testament, without going into details, gives us a pretty clear hint of what a fully Christian society would be like . . .a Christian society would be what we now call Leftist . . .If there were such a society in existence and you or I visited it, I think we should come away with a curious impression.  We should feel that its economic life was very socialistic and, in that sense, ‘advanced,’ but that its family life and its code of manners were rather old fashioned. . .That is just what one would expect if Christianity is the total plan for the human machine.  We have all departed from that total plan in different ways, and each of us wants to make out those bits and pieces and leave the rest.  That is why we do not get much further; and that is why people who are fighting for quite opposite things can both say they are fighting for Christianity.

Now another point.  There is one bit of advice given to us by the ancient heathen Greeks, and by the Jews in the Old Testament, and by the great Christian teachers of the Middle Ages, which the modern economic system has completely disobeyed.  All these people told us not to lend money at interest: and lending money at interest—what we call investment—is the basis of our whole system” (Lewis, pp. 65-66).

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To Elucidate Further on the Feeling of Awe in Beauty

A while back, on another page, I quoted CEM Joad (philosopher) on the inability of science to account for the appreciation of beauty.  By appreciation of beauty, I mean specifically, the awe or wonder beauty inspires, which as far as I can work it out in my mind, has no specific purpose in evolution.  I do not attempt to discredit evolution in general, but it occurs to me that it might not be all that explains us.  Joad makes some good points in this regard, which actually led me to further explore these ideas in the ancient writings of Plato, which in my opinion, further supports this conclusion. I should not say conclusion, exactly, in that these are just beginnings of ideas in me so far. Although I have read Plato before, I did not read it with the same interest or thought as I do now.  Because this book, The Recovery of Belief, is rare and hard to find, I would like to quote directly from Joad, who illustrates this feeling more than I am able.

On the three Values of Truth, Goodness, and Beauty:

“They include the experience of a sunset or of a great view from a mountaintop; they include, also, some great act of heroism or self-sacrifice, and they are illustrated by a life which is devoted to the disinterested pursuit of Truth.

Of these experiences, four characteristics may be predicated. First, they are not merely contingent but convey a sense of their necessity; we realize, in fact, that they could not be other than they are, the universe being what it is.

Secondly, they are not arbitrary but are felt to be significant, significant of something beyond themselves. We feel that the reason why they could not be other than they are is that they reveal something of the nature of the universe. . . Now these experiences, when we have them are strangely moving.

Thirdly, they bring with them a sense of release, release from the needs and desires, the wants and cravings, the driving impulses of daily life. . .Wishing, fearing, craving, hoping, and willing, we may never, except in the rare moments of aesthetic enjoyment or the secure possession of truth, be at rest. We must be forever doing and stirring, meddling, changing, and improving.  But in the appreciation of pictures, of great music or of nature . . . we get a momentary and fleeting glimpse of the nature of that, the full knowledge of which may be conceived as constituting at least in part our true end. For that moment, and for so long as the glimpse persists, we realize in anticipation and almost, as it were, illicitly, the nature of the end. We are, if I may so put it, for the moment there, just as a traveler may obtain a fleeting glimpse of a distant country from a height passed on the way, and cease for a space from his journey to enjoy the view. And since we are for the moment there, we experience, while the moment lasts, that sense of liberation from the drive of life, which has been noted as one of the special characteristics of aesthetic experience. We, who are part and parcel of the evolutionary stream, are permitted for a moment to be withdrawn from the thrust and play of impulse and desire. We feel neither need nor want and, losing ourselves in the contemplation of a reality which is other than ourselves, become for the moment selfless. When we experience those significant combinations of forms or sounds to which we give the name of beautiful in art, our contemplation is, in a word, will-less in its character.

But, fourthly. . .Beauty often takes us by surprise, whether it comes to us as a sudden view of a landscape, as a harmony of shape and line, or, it may be, as music accidentally heard from an open window in the street.  Nor is the reason far to seek.  Aesthetic appreciation is unconditioned by considerations of time and space and, while it lasts, lifts us out of the arena of moral struggle and conflict in which our daily lives are passed. For this reason we are not allowed to indulge it overmuch. And so, before we are even fully assured that the vision of beauty is ours, we are caught up and thrust back into the whirlpool of want and need, of striving, loving, and fearing which is our day-to-day experience as individuals.  This no doubt is the reason for the fleeting and ephemeral nature of even the most lasting aesthetic experience; to this it owes its unsatisfactory and tantalizing character. . . The soul is at once gladdened and disappointed. The veil is lifted so quickly that we have scarcely time to know that it has gone before it has fallen again. But during the moment of lifting we get a vision of a something behind and beyond which passes, before it is clearly seen, and which in passing leaves behind a feeling of indefinable longing and regret. . .

And strangely, the longing and regret are for what is somehow familiar. There is an element of nostalgia in aesthetic experience which finds expression in philosophies of pre-existence from Plato’s theory of Reminiscence onwards. . .

These characteristics of our highest experiences, characteristics which I have tried to convey in terms of aesthetic experience, though they are by no means confined to this, are, I believe, most plausibly to be explained on the assumption that in them we obtain a fleeting glimpse,a foretaste, as it were, of the nature of that reality which is God.” –CEM Joad.

While I am sure that that there will be many who have thought of reasons to attribute these experiences to Natural Selection (I, too, have entertained some theories), this theory resonates with me, and I intend to think on it at length.

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“Do I dare dist…

“Do I dare disturb the universe?”
“I have measured out my life with coffee spoons. . .”
“There will be time, there will be time/To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;/There will be time to murder and create./ And time for all the works and days of hands/That lift and drop a question on your plate;/Time for you and time for me,/And time yet for a hundred indecisions,/And for a hundred visions and revisions,/Before the taking of a toast and tea.” TS Eliot, “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock”

This is my all-time favorite poem! I named this blog after this quote from TS Eliot because I ask myself this question every time I write. Do I really want to ask these questions? Do I dare disturb the universe? Yes, I think I will.

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