You Know Who You Are by Christina Knowles

grumpy catPeople often mention their pet peeves. I really didn’t think I had very many until I started to think about it. I mean, I’m pretty easy to get along with, and I don’t usually get upset about little things. I do have a touch of OCD about a few things, and I’m kind of particular about how I like things done, but I don’t believe I really put that burden on the people around me–at least I try not to. I don’t expect the same things that bother me to bother other people. With that said, there are some things I consider to be more than slight irritants, and I apologize in advance if I sound rude or snippy, but once I started listing them, I started to feel a little annoyed. But what did you expect? Pet peeves do that to people. Here they are:

1. Napkins stuffed inside glasses: I’ve known a lot of people who do this. I find it utterly repulsive, mainly because I can’t help imagining the person who has to pull it out.

2. Leaving used tissues anywhere but the trash: Even my own used tissues disgust me. It makes me want to sterilize whatever surface they’ve touched.

3. Students who stick their gum under their desks or stuff trash into my cabinets: Seriously? There is a trashcan less than 15 feet from any desk in the room. Do teenagers shove their trash in their cupboards at home? Or is this some type of protest behavior, and I’m missing the point?

4. Vandalism other than protest graffiti: If you aren’t Banksy, you have no reason to deface any property that is not your own. Vandalism is truly the most senseless crime, and you probably aren’t as talented as Banksy anyway.

5. Giant flagpoles in the middle of the front yards of residential homes: Your house is not the White House, and you are not the president. Buy a regular size flag and mount it on your porch like a normal person.

6. Closet and cupboard doors left open: This is definitely an OCD thing, but come on, how hard is it to shut the cupboard after you take out the cereal? Someone could bump their head, or be driven insane until they are forced to get up in the middle of dinner to shut it, and then have to explain that they have OCD.

7. People not flushing toilets: You aren’t saving the planet because someone will have to flush it before they use it anyway, so it is still getting flushed the same amount of times. Stay until you see it go down. Repeat if necessary. Thanks.

8. People who have road rage: You are either way too stressed out before you ever get into the car, or you are leaving way too late for a job that you fear you are about to lose. Set your alarm for half an hour earlier, put on some classical music, and get a more laid-back job.

9. People whose only posts on Facebook are cryptic remarks that don’t say what they really mean, or who post suicidal song lyrics without saying they are quoting song lyrics. Want attention much? If you don’t want me knocking on your door in the middle of the night to see if I need to call an ambulance, please use quotation marks and credit the author. Even then, you may want to mention that you are not thinking of taking your life. I don’t need that kind of stress.

10. Speaking of Facebook, people who post ridiculous stories or claims from satirical sites because they think they are actually real, then get upset at you for posting a Snopes link on their wall. And while I’m on the subject, people who post false and mean-spirited memes that dehumanize or demoralize a person just because they disagree with his politics. Attack the issue, not the person, and by the way, the more preposterous the libel, the crazier they seem.

11. People who expound on issues as some kind of intellectual authority, but do so in run-on sentences, littered with homophones, and with no commas, way too many commas, or no punctuation whatsoever. If you cannot write using accepted conventions of your native tongue, I’m not likely to consider you an expert on anything intellectual. Disclaimer: I don’t judge every post this harshly. Sometimes a person is quickly posting something funny or replying briefly in a casual conversation, but if you are attempting to persuade someone of something with your wealth of knowledge, please demonstrate a wealth of knowledge.

It sounds much worse than it is. I rarely am bothered by any of these, which is why it took me some time to think of them. What it did for me, though, was make me realize that sitting around thinking of what annoys me. annoys me. It is not really a good idea . . . unless it causes a certain someone to stop leaving the cupboard doors open. You know who you are. –Christina Knowles

2 thoughts on “You Know Who You Are by Christina Knowles

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  1. Two thoughts: One, stuffing napkins in glasses is maybe a regional thing? Because I’ve never seen anyone do it here in the Northeast. In fact, the only time I’ve “seen” it was in a book I read a long time ago. Second: You can get self-closing cupboard doors! We had them installed during a kitchen remodel. Yay! Third: I am not going to admit that I’m guilty of some of the other things.


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