Grateful by Christina Knowles

Every year about this time, like most people, I reflect on the things for which I am grateful. But what does gratitude look like when you’ve just been diagnosed with cancer?

A cancer diagnosis will shake anyone, and I admit, I took a few days to cry about the scary and unknown outcome of my diagnosis. But as a self-labeled secular pagan Buddhist, I know what I should be doing, and by should, I mean what will alleviate suffering. When the reality of having cancer hit me, I told myself to just breathe, to be with the breath. If I could just focus on the breath right now, where nothing bad was going to happen, I’d be okay. I mean, I could get hit by a bus tomorrow, and this diagnosis wouldn’t have meant a thing, right? None of us know how long we have or what the future holds. That’s why we need to live in the only time we are sure to have, right now. 

And ironically, as the doctors were giving me the bad news, they told me how important it is to stay positive. At first it was hard to be positive about having cancer, so I just told myself to focus on what I know I am grateful for. The more you practice gratitude, the easier it becomes, even when you wouldn’t expect it to be. Sometimes gratitude just sneaks up on me, and I’m overwhelmed with the realization of how absolutely beautiful this life is, and how extraordinarily lucky we are to be here experiencing it. This feeling will sometimes come upon me so suddenly that I am caught breathless, or I am brought suddenly to tears with the recognition of it.

So what about now? Am I lucky? Absolutely, it turns out I am even luckier than I knew. With the news of my diagnosis, the generosity and compassion of friends and coworkers astonished me. Every day someone is offering me so much more than support. They are offering me time and themselves. My friends offer to take me to appointments, take me out for girls’ nights, bring me food, do my laundry, travel across the country to take care of me, talk to me for hours on the phone, or text me first thing in the morning and last thing before I go to sleep. I don’t really need anyone to take care of me, at least not yet. I have my husband, Randy, and he is my rock, but I love knowing that they would be there when I need them. 

Today, at the cancer center, I felt so cared for by the staff, nurses, and doctors. They are so professional, compassionate, and kind. Any recovery I make will be mostly due to them and the scientific progress they are committed to. But there is so much more to be grateful for everywhere I turn. So, according to tradition, here is my list of things I am grateful for this year.

  1. Gratitude: I am grateful that I have the ability to be grateful. I love that a sunset or a beautiful piece of music can bring me to tears.
  2. My husband: Sometimes you really hit the marriage lottery, and I did. My husband is everything I want and need. He is loving, gentle, compassionate, real, loyal, and always, always there for me, but most importantly, he makes me laugh.
  3. Friends and loved ones: I always say I have the best friends in the world, and I really do. My friends are the kind of friends I can tell anything to and be accepted. I am lucky enough to have deep friendships that stand the test of time and distance. One of my very close friends is coming to stay with me during and after my surgery in December. This is a huge sacrifice as she has work and a family, and well, it’s in December—and she doesn’t like rain. I have so many friends in Colorado, but I also have such good friends here in Oregon, and we’ve become close in the four years I’ve lived here. I have several friends here that I can lean on whenever I need to.
  4. Great coworkers and a good job: I am so lucky to work with the best group of caring people to whom I am already getting attached. The benefits of my job couldn’t be more ideal for a person in my situation. Plus, I actually like going to work.
  5. Oregon: I can’t say enough about how much I love this place, from the spectacular waterfalls to the snow-capped peaks, from the giant moss-covered trees and lush ferns to the dramatic rocky coast. I love that it rains all winter, the grass is literally always green, spring flowers pop out in February, and a weeping Alaskan cedar grows next to a tropical palm tree. How cool is that?
  6. Home: I love my cozy little home. We call it Storybrook Hollow because inside it is a fairytale cottage mashup of a Hobbit hole, a medieval castle, and the Gryffindor common room at Hogwarts. It is my peaceful haven where Pyewacket and Walter are always there to cuddle, and I’m surrounded by music and my favorite books. I’m grateful for my backyard, which is my personal paradise where I love to meditate.
  7. Today: I am grateful for this day. Today is all I am guaranteed (this moment actually), and I’m not going to throw it away worrying about a future day that may or may not ever come. Today I am alive and content. I’m joyful even. This day is glorious and worthy of my attention. 

So, I’m going to stop at lucky seven even though there is so much more for which I am thankful. I’ll save those for contemplating another day. I hope you all have a lovely Thanksgiving day and every day is something to relish.—Christina Knowles

Trump’s Taxes Are a Legitimate Concern by Christina Knowles

We all know that Donald Trump lacks the basic qualifications to be president—intelligence, thoughtfulness, reflection, kindness, compassion, empathy, humility, morality, and human decency. We know he is a racist, a misogynist, an alleged rapist, a coward, and a liar. We also know that he is a business failure and a criminal, but now we have the documents that could prove it. The IRS has bought down many powerful men who committed tax fraud, so it shouldn’t be hard to bring down a petty and unintelligent character like Trump.

But, it seems, Trump supporters believe that although he is a repugnant human being, he is a rich and successful businessman. They seem to be misled. Trump’s tax avoidance (which I’m sure will be upgraded to tax evasion) is something every American should find appalling and unacceptable. For those supporters who think Trump is just being a good businessman by taking advantage of tax loopholes, I don’t believe you are seeing the whole picture. First, if his golf courses and hotels are losing millions every year, they would not exist. It is more likely that he is embezzling funds from these businesses and pretending that they are losing money to avoid paying taxes. This is tax fraud and is definitely illegal.

Here’s what I know about claiming a loss from personal experience. I have a freelance writing business, and I am an independent author. My husband is a musician and receives royalties for his music. We have to be very careful taking any deductions related to our businesses because if we claim a loss more than a couple of times, the IRS considers the business a “hobby.” It sounds like Donald Trump has several expensive “hobbies.” Either that or he’s the worst businessman in history. Again, it’s obvious that he’s syphoning the money out of these businesses to support his lifestyle, and in addition, relying on debt to support the illusion of success.

The second thing you may be missing as a defender of Trump is that it’s immoral and unethical to be so privileged while relying on the poor and middle class to pay for your needs. These needs are the roads Trump drives on, the police he thinks he owns, the military he claims he’s expanded, and the Secret Service keeping him alive. We are paying for that. He pays for none of it. And don’t even mention the pittance he donates that is his salary. That doesn’t cover a fraction of the taxes he should be paying—it barely covers his and Melania’s haircuts.

The third thing you are possibly overlooking, Trump-excusers, is the fact that people who carry debt are national security risks. If Trump was a civilian employee on an army base, he would not be granted a security clearance because his debt makes him vulnerable to blackmail and bribery and temptations of illegal activities to relieve the debt. Hmmm, that might explain a few things about his relationship with several undesirable foreign leaders.

Look, I know you may not want to face these difficult facts, but it’s time to do the hard work and look at yourselves and your motivations. Do you care that your president is a criminal? Do you care that people who make $18000 a year pay more taxes than this spoiled, bloated wind bag who has never done an actual day of work in his life? You may think liberals want a free ride from the government. No, that would be Donald Trump. The real freeloader sits in the White House with a blank check.–Christina Knowles

The Four Types of Trump Supporters and Their Political Motivations by Christina Knowles

Fed Up with Tribalism

I think every American is fed up with the political chaos we are enduring in America. Never in my lifetime have I witnessed such division and contention. It’s exhausting and leaves us wondering if tribalism is so bad. Maybe it would be better to stay in our own little tribe, so we don’t have to believe that there are people who passionately believe the exact opposite of what we believe. I face this question every time a new scandal in the Trump presidency hits the news. Every time Donald Trump is caught doing or saying something illegal, immoral, or just plain stupid, I wonder how his supporters, some of whom seem like nice people otherwise, are able to so easily brush it aside and dismiss it, even excuse and defend it. There is a level of cognitive dissonance that is not easily explained by the “They’re all racists” justification. It seems like there is a daily influx of new evidence of Trump’s inadequacies in the area of basic human decency, but the support from his base does not waver, even from those who would not normally condone this behavior themselves. This led me to consider Trump supporters and their motivations, and I discovered that I could identify four different kinds of people who seem to think Trump is a good choice to run our country despite how terrible he’s doing at it and in spite of how repugnant of a person he is.

The Four Types of Trump Supporters

I believe there are at least four distinct types of Trump supporters, and this is why we scratch our heads in dismay when we find out someone we really like is a Trumper. Let me explain my theory. 

  1. The Power-Hungry Bandwagon Follower: These people attach themselves to anybody who seems to have power, popularity, and influence; an example would be Michael Cohen. They are seduced by the ability of Trump to get his way and command seemingly irrational things, openly lying and committing ethically questionable acts without losing favor or suffering consequences. They too want to have this power and think they will get it by their association with Trump. We’ve seen many of these people cast aside by Trump after they have served their purpose.
  2. Racists and Misogynists: The second type of supporters are ignorant racists who admire an old white guy who can get away with voicing openly prejudiced and misogynistic rhetoric. They seem to think he’s their ticket to stomping down anyone getting in their way of being the dominant race. They see Trump as the great white savior who will defend their privilege and give them a platform for their hate. Clearly, extremists and white supremacists like the Boogaloos, the Proud Boys, and the KKK all seem to find Trump appealing; perhaps, because he calls them “very fine people.” The scientifically illiterate and gun-toting militia wannabes often fall into this category as well. 
  3. The Conservative and/or Religious Right: The third type of Trump supporters are the conservative and/or religious right who swallow their innate disgust at his racism, at his crude remarks about women, at his clear disdain for the handicapped, at his stupidity regarding pretty much everything—in order to advance what they see as the greater good. Many of them fool themselves into believing that God chose Trump, however ungodly he is, to accomplish his work of stacking the Supreme Court with conservatives who will outlaw abortion, protect religious freedom (which is not in danger, by the way), overturn the Affordable Health Care Act, slow immigration, and ensure a minimum of gun restrictions. Several previously ethical and principled people have locked away their morals and swallowed their objections in order to ensure a generation of protections for these conservative goals. (Read Bob Woodward’s Rage for several firsthand confessions of this type of Trump follower). These supporters need to ask themselves to revisit the question, “Do the ends justify the means?”
  4. The Victim of Conservative Pundits: The fourth type of Trump follower is the heavily brainwashed Fox News viewer, or perhaps, a victim of other conservative media. These Trump supporters are always in an indignant rage about the evils of the Democratic party and are indoctrinated by a variety of conspiracy theories, such as Pizzagate, which is on par with flat earth conspiracy theories. They live in fear of losing the America they have always idealized. Many of these victims are elderly or otherwise cutoff from diverse views in the community. Because they are only getting information by heavily biased sources designed to manipulate them, they live in fear and disgust of anyone on the “radical left.” Even though they may know a few Democrats that are “good,” they believe there is a conspiracy by Democrats to destroy the foundations of American exceptionalism, and even worse. They fear riots destroying the suburbs, the abolition of the police, losing their economic viability, and their American way of life. They, in fact, seem to believe that there are no moderates or right leaning Democrats or left leaning Republicans at all. They are sheltered and have a skewed view of the other side.

Lies Trump Supporters Believe about Democrats

The average Trump supporter never hears that many Democrats own guns and only support moderate gun restrictions like background checks. They never hear that many Democrats abhor abortion and want to have as few as possible, but think that banning abortion isn’t the way to solve this problem. They never realize that many Democrats believe in capitalism and hard work and paying taxes, and getting something for their money like the Social Security and Medicare they paid into their entire lives. They don’t know that many Democrats are Christians and believe in protecting religious freedom and that they believe the best way to do that is to honor the separation of church and state. They never hear that many Democrats don’t believe in getting something for nothing. Many Democrats want humane immigration laws, they want a social safety net that lifts people up and doesn’t encourage a freeloading society, they want affordable college so that the entire country can rise economically, and so that they can all realize the American dream regardless of the circumstances of their births. They never hear that some Democrats don’t believe that these things should just be free and are perfectly willing to attach conditions, such as work requirements and/or giving back to the community that helped them. They never hear that while Democrats want a system of justice that is fair and equal to all, they still want law and order. They still want violence stopped and criminals prosecuted. 

But they won’t be hearing that on Fox News, Glen Beck, or the 700 Club. It’s not in their interests to let them see the nuances and the similarities we all share. It’s not in their interests to let them see Democrats as good Americans or even human beings. We are all guilty of our tribal associations and our preference for confirmation bias. If you want to understand how you are being manipulated, please watch The Social Dilemma on Netflix. It’s time to look beyond all that and talk to our neighbors, our family members with different views, and the people we’ve avoided because we think we know who they are. I just stereotyped four types of Trump supporters. Prove me wrong. Let me know who you really are and why you really support Trump. Let’s have a conversation, and maybe we will learn a little about who we really are beyond what we are told to believe.

The Ends Do Not Justify the Means

      Numerous political scientists and historians have identified Trump and his obvious dictatorial tendencies as an existential threat to our system of government and our very freedom. I get why some Republicans put away their objections and followed Trump through that door, but by now, you should be realizing that some doors shouldn’t be used. It’s time to get back to governing. We need a government that represents all of us, a government that knows how to compromise and work together and create unity. Democrats, Republicans, Independents, Democratic Socialists, Libertarians, and every other political group need to compromise. Living in a pluralistic society means none of us gets everything we want. We all should get something we can live with. That’s what it means to live in a country like ours—Out of many, one. We need to stop justifying bad methods of achieving our important goals. Instead, let’s talk, negotiate, and find something we can all accept, and in the process, we can accept each other, rather than accepting more and more bad behavior from our leaders.—Christina Knowles

Afterthought: If you are really interested in practical ways in which all of our political parties can work together, cooperate, compromise, and have a fair voice, please read Why We’re Polarized by Ezra Klein. The first half of the book is an explanation of how we got here, but the second half is full of intelligent ideas of how we could all have a more fair and productive relationship with those of opposing views and how our government could get back to effective governing.

“Fool” by Christina Knowles

Barren path

“Fool”

I wander through a garden

Tall and green and dripping with the dew

The twisting path, the hidden

The way I thought I knew

Petals velvetly imbue

A facile façade of innocence

But the thorny branch is true

The Judas kiss equivalence

The truth I never knew

The Pathos of pretense

I was fooled through and through

Mired in the dense

Brush, I construe

The twisted path is lost

I fight to make it through

The symbols I have crossed

The signs were always there

The realization overdue

A switchback won’t repair

A road I never knew

I reconnect and reassess

The lies and the true

The despair that I suppress

Is the path I make anew

Through a barren garden

Trimmed a bit too low

I walk along disheartened

For the beauty I forego

–Christina Knowles

Photo: Barren Path | by H. Evan Miller

“No one can destroy you like a child” by Christina Knowles

anime-woman-cryingNo one can destroy you like a child

Born out of your flesh, birth of the sacred

Adored

Loved unconditionally, while

You stand spurned, shorn

Of all aspect of affection

Unjust deflection, dejection unending

Saturated, consumed, unbending

Rending nights of mourning

Hours of scorning

Heights of sorrow, teetering

On a glimmer of tomorrow

Tears adorning the lifeless

The helpless, bought and owned

By your own blood

How else could

You be destroyed by a child?

No one else can slice you in half

With a word or a smile, put you on trial

For trying

What’s left of you dying

Doomed to go on amending

Defending the right to hope

A press to tamp down the hurting

Until you’re cut fresh

Veins spurting, you lay broken

Crumpled in a heap, racked with grief

Burning hollows weep

No relief, no light

Appears, calling me to go

Forced to remain, it’s worse

Worse than you ever feared

Because who knew?

The pain you accrue

The depth of the blow

It’s an effort to stand and smile

When you’ve been destroyed by a child. —Christina Knowles (2015)

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2014 Blog in Review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A New York City subway train holds 1,200 people. This blog was viewed about 5,100 times in 2014. If it were a NYC subway train, it would take about 4 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

Christina Knowles's avatarDisturbing the Universe

She knows a secret; he knows the future. Together they will expose the truth. She knows a secret; he knows the future. Together they will expose the truth.

Buy The Ezekiel Project

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My Brother’s Keeper

Christina Knowles's avatarDisturbing the Universe

As a high school English teacher, I have my students write essays on controversial topics to teach persuasive argument.  It has come to my attention throughout discussions regarding various issues on which they are writing, that many of the next generation of voters are startlingly selfish, uncaring, and downright hostile to the idea of helping others. Of course, it is not true of all of them, but many of them express this hostility openly, and it scares me. Is this a result of the current political climate, in light of such hot-button topics as the Affordable Health Care Act, the increasing deficit, or the bleak outlook of the economic situation in America? Are they simply regurgitating frustrations voiced by discouraged and over-stressed parents?

Apparently, these students do not believe in helping the poor, the elderly, or the disadvantaged in any way. This lack of compassion made me curious as to…

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The Ezekiel Project by Christina Knowles

Final Book CoverShe knows a secret; he knows the future. Together they will expose the truth.

The Ezekiel Project by debut author, Christina Knowles–Wow, this was a ride and a half! A fast-paced, interesting, thought provoking, edge-of-your-seat story about clandestine military medical experimentation, telekinesis, mind control, abuse, and love. Knowles is a master of pacing… Impossible to put down … highly recommend … This just-released suspense novel is a sleep-robbing page-turner!” –Lee Fullbright, award winning author of The Angry Woman Suite.

A young mother risks everything to expose a top-secret government project with the help of its most important test subject, a dying Gulf War veteran with paranormal abilities .  .  .

Eleven years after the bombing of his battalion in Iraq, Joel’s nightmares continue. But when a beautiful young mother enters those dreams, he knows he must do everything in his power to save her from those who want to silence her, including stopping the man responsible for his nightmares, her husband and the man who has been keeping him prisoner in a top-secret government facility in charge of The Ezekiel Project.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Ezekiel-Project-Christina-Knowles-ebook/dp/B00E5TLHPE

She knows a secret; he knows the future. Together they will expose the truth.
She knows a secret; he knows the future. Together they will expose the truth.

Buy The Ezekiel Project

Check out the reviews or download a sample.

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